Another "F" Bomb

Nobody asked me, but… “It’s not FAIR.”

If you’re a parent of more than one child you’ve heard it before. And, the greater the age difference the more often you probably hear it. There is nearly seven years between my sister and I and as a youngster I said it often. As I recall, when those words were uttered by myself or my boys, it was the result of somehow feeling that I was cheated out of something I “deserved.”

Who decides what’s fair? Again, if you’re a parent and it’s your children, you get to umpire that decision. They’re usually pretty tough ones too. Like:

· Why does she get to stay up past 7:30 PM? It’s not FAIR!
· Why can’t I have a TV in my room? It’s not FAIR!
· Why can’t I have a car? My friends do. It’s not FAIR!
· Why do I have to be home by 10:00 PM? It’s not FAIR!
· I studied my butt off and got a “C.” Jim/Sally didn’t study at all, partied before mid-terms and got an “A.” It’s not FAIR!

The list goes on and I know you get the picture. As parents we understand common rights that are the same for all of our children regardless of the circumstances. We love them unconditionally. We provide for their basic needs (see Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs). We also are able to discern that at different ages our children have different maturity levels and abilities. Therefore, we bestow on them appropriate privileges. And, Jim or Sally probably have different aptitudes for the given subject material. Besides, “who said life was FAIR?”

As parents we have dictatorial powers to ensure compliance to standards. We give and take privileges as warranted by maturity or performance. I don’t ever recall winning or giving into an “it’s not FAIR” argument. Why then, is fairness even a point in the conversation in national issues?

Is it FAIR that Bill Gates lives in a mansion while a Viet Nam Vet lives under a bridge? Now I’m not in favor of people living under bridges and I’ve lived in a car before but fairness has nothing to do with it. You see, fairness is an opportunity issue not an outcome issue. Our “Declaration of Independence” declares that we are endowed by our creator “with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Nobody said we’d catch it. The real issue is that nobody can get in the way of our pursuit.
Nobody asked me, but… hears a quick lesson on money.

Money is neither good nor bad. Money is simply a measure of service to others. Left to our own decision making and without outside interference we trade our hard earned dollars for someone else’s product of service. Those who provide the greatest products and services to the most people receive the most in this unit of measure – money. If you provide a poor product or service people vote you out of business by not paying you. This obviously does not apply to government services such as the US Post Office.

The preceding paragraph serves to say that Bill Gates has provided a product that, even though we may complain about it at times we still buy it. There are other operating systems on the market. Our homeless Vet, for any variety of reasons, has not provided a product or service that anyone wants to trade their money for – unless you consider sympathy a commodity. Having said that, please note that I financially support organizations that support veterans. I am a veteran and, “there, but for the grace of God go I.”

My point is simply that no matter how distasteful a situation might be FAIRNESS should never enter into examining the outcome. FAIRNESS need only be examined in terms of did any person or organization stand in the way of the pursuit.